


snuggle up close, let me hold your pieces in place, even if just for a night

by natigail



Series: Phandom Fic Fest - Escape from reality [2]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Banter, Coming Out, Dialogue Heavy, Huddling For Warmth, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Innuendo, M/M, Sharing a Bed, Strangers, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-26
Updated: 2020-03-26
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:20:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23334511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/natigail/pseuds/natigail
Summary: It was just one thing after another really.Broken down bus with a whole class of freshers.Dingy hotel room that was cold as fuck.No one wanting to share a room with Dan.But then the TA Phil stepped up to the plate and defended Dan. Of course, it meant that the two of them ended up sharing a bed, and then the heater had to break. It's the perfect excuse for sharing body warmth and confessions.
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Series: Phandom Fic Fest - Escape from reality [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1678729
Comments: 38
Kudos: 152
Collections: phandomficfests: escape from reality





	snuggle up close, let me hold your pieces in place, even if just for a night

**Author's Note:**

> *** indicates a change in point of view

This was just what he needed really.

It wasn’t like it was already horrible enough to be a fresher at university, enough months into the whole thing that the glamour of starting at university had worn off and it just left the dread. It wasn’t as if he had decided that this would be a safe place to come out, only to have the news spread to all his classmates as well, because his hallmates didn’t know how to shut up. It wasn’t as if he felt like he was failing all of his classes, stumbling behind everyone and feeling academically dumb for the first time in his life.

The stupid bus had to break down.

In the middle of a storm.

Too far from university.

Now twenty something freshers, a TA and an annoyed professor were trying to all pool into the lobby of a crappy hotel that potentially had enough room to house all of them. Dan wanted to sink through the floorboards.

The trip hadn’t even been worth it, and he wouldn’t have gone if attendance hadn’t counted into his yearly grade. He had only bit the bullet and signed up for the trip because he knew he would need all the help that he could get.

“Okay,” the professor said. Dan had forgotten his name, but he had hunched over posture and he tended to spit a bit when he spoke loudly during lecture. The other students called him Gollum and even if Dan thought it cruel, it was the only name that stuck in his mind now.

“What’s the news, prof?” one of Dan’s classmates asked, too preppy and hyped up for this.

Dan pulled his black hoodie in tighter around his head.

“Unfortunately, there will not be rooms enough for all of you. You will have to room together two and two. Boys and girls separate. Phil, will you please take care of this? I have to cancel my early morning class tomorrow and find us a way to get back.”

The professor didn’t give the TA much choice, just handing him a bunch of key cards with a few hushed words before he disappeared up the stairs with heavy steps.

Phil Lester.

He was a bit of a legend around Manchester Uni. Last year, one of his short films had won a prestigious award for amateur film making and it had been plastered all over the university with pride. It certainly helped that he was gorgeous and well-liked to begin with.

He wasn’t even their TA. He was just filling in for their actual TA who had to cancel the trip last minute, and Phil had stepped up to the plate to ensure that they could all still go on this utterly pointless execution.

Dan couldn’t fault Phil though. He had done a much better job than the professor of answering questions. It was impossible to dislike him. Everyone around the campus seemed to know of him, and everyone spoke fondly of him. Dan had been sceptic at first, because no one could be _that_ nice as everyone claimed.

Until Dan had met Phil, literally running into him and spilling coffee all down their shirts. Dan had apologised profusely for his stumbling, even if he had been sloshed by the hot coffee more than Phil. Phil had just waved it off, helped Dan pick up the bag he’d dropped and offered him to buy him a new cup. Dan had protested widely, stating that it was him who was at fault but Phil had insisted.

Dan found that he couldn’t resist Phil Lester insisting.

He was only human.

Chatter and complaints had been shared between all the students from the moment they had stepped out of the bus and had to trek the two kilometres to the motel, but when Phil cleared his throat everyone seemed to quiet down and pay attention.

Dan wasn’t sure how Phil did it. He wasn’t blind to his own jealously. Phil Lester was extraordinary kind, extremely handsome and incredibly talented but he was also out. He carried his sexuality with pride, making gay jokes with ease and no one ever seemed to give him shit for it.

“Okay, as Professor Hendel said,” Phil said, and Dan tried to make note of the proper name, “you will all have to share. All of the rooms are double, some with queen beds and the others are twins.”

“I wouldn’t mind having the twins,” one of the lads next to Dan snickered to his mate.

Dan supressed the urge to sigh and roll his eyes. He looked sideways to the two twin sisters in their class, who had thankfully been too far away to hear them.

Phil was not as forgiven.

“Hey,” he said and his voice cut right through the snickering. “You are all adults here. Young adults but adults enough that you are expected to be able to behave properly. I trust that you all are mature enough that you can pair up without my interference?”

Dan’s heart sank. Fuck.

***

Phil was tired of this already, and he was inwardly cursing Jimmy for convincing him to take his spot. Food poisoning was a good excuse sure, and Phil had never really been able to say no to his friends but this was turning into a shit day.

Most of the students hadn’t listened to Professor Hendel at all. They just snickered and whispered something about Lord of the Rings. He had tried to keep them engaged but it had been an uphill battle.

Most of them didn’t care and too many had tried to flirt or throw teasing remarks with him. Even the girls, despite how vocal he was about being gay. It didn’t deter someone and while it was mostly just harmless flirting, it never stopped grating his gears. But overall, they had listened to him better than the professor.

He knew it was because he was wearing his TA mask during the whole trip and honestly, he wanted nothing more than to strip it away but he couldn’t because he wasn’t back home in his warm bed like he was supposed to. He was stuck in a dingy hotel with a bunch of eighteen- and nineteen-year olds. He was only a couple of years their senior but he felt ancient in their company sometimes.

“Eww,” one of the male students said, someone who looked like the epitome of a Lad. “Who’s willing to share with Howell? He won’t be able to keep his hands to himself. Freak.”

Someone snickered in response and the words were whispers and not meant for Phil’s ears. He knew that but he couldn’t just let that sit. He refused to let people get away with whispers like that.

“Is there a problem?” he turned to stare at the group of lads that had spoken in hushed voices. At least they had the decency to look at little abashed, but frankly shame would have been more appropriate.

Phil knew that they must be speaking about Dan Howell, one of the only students that had actually diligently filled out the questionnaire at the end of the visit. He had been quiet and by himself most of the trip but Phil still remembered him.

He remembered him ever since he had run into him outside of the campus Starbucks and been so blinded that he had tripped him up without meaning to. After he had met him, Phil had decided to keep tabs on him, and he had heard the rumours about his sexuality circling lately.

No one would ever dare to say anything bad about it to Phil’s face, considering he was an out and proud gay man to everyone who knew him but he knew that young people could be vile to each other at times, and in particular someone who was different.

“Err… no?” one of the guys replied. “It’s just…”

Phil raised an expected eyebrow and he could see Dan watching the altercation from the sides.

“He’s, you know.”

“No, I don’t know,” Phil said because rumours didn’t mean anything. He hadn’t been told anything by Dan himself and as such, he didn’t know anything about Dan’s private life. And neither did they, Phil would bet.

There were frantic glances exchanged between the boys and Phil knew they were crumbling under what his own students called The Stare. In reality, Phil didn’t have a mean bone in his body but he knew how to take a firm hand when needed and he wasn’t afraid of putting someone in their place if they needed it.

He had been pushed around too much when he was younger to let anyone else go through it if he could help it.

“It’s just…” one of them said, voice so low that only Phil and his friends around him could hear, despite everyone having stopped what they were doing and trying to listen in. “We wouldn’t feel safe. He might _try_ something.”

Phil pulled his mouth into a tense line and he almost wanted to laugh. He hated that someone really thought that this was true, that if a man fancied other men then clearly, he must just want to jump any man in the near vicinity as soon as no one was looking.

“That’s preposterous,” Phil sneered, a little maliciously. “If anything, I would guess he might be more in danger of you than the other way around.”

“What?!” the lad in front sputtered. “No! I’d never try to touch him! That’s– I’m not a–”

Phil’s glare stopped him in his tracks. He knew the words wouldn’t have been nice. Phil composed himself, counting backwards from ten in his head.

“Actually, seeing as I’m more worried about his safety than yours, Dan Howell can room with me. I wouldn’t want him to feel unsafe.”

Phil said it before he thought things through. It was not strictly forbidden, since he wasn’t actually Dan’s TA but it was definitely something of a grey line. Phil could see a few surprised Pikachu expression on the students’ faces. Dan’s expression just looked pinched and a little confused.

It was too late to turn back on the offer though. Phil was too tired to have any more squabble over this.

“Anyone else who isn’t paired up within the next two minutes can figure out accommodation for themselves,” he said and he waved the key cards in his hand. “You better hurry if you want to pick between single or double beds.”

Unsurprisingly, everyone paired up pretty easily after that.

***

Dan was not sure what to make of this. Not one bit.

When he had heard that they would be sharing rooms, he had expected it to be a shitshow, but he could never have imagined that it would turn out like this.

He had never imagined that someone would stand up for him. Someone he didn’t even know, not really. He only knew Phil from that one time they had bumped into each other and otherwise he just knew all of the stories about Phil.

Right now, he seemed to live up to every single one of them.

At Phil’s threat of being left without a room, everyone gathered pretty quickly and soon enough everyone running off to their rooms.

Not Dan.

He stood in the same spot in the shitty lobby, just looking as his fellow students filed away one after one. Phil handed out one key card after another until his hands were empty. Then he dug his hand into his back pocket and dug out another card that the professor must have handed him separately.

Phil looked at Dan, looked him properly in the eyes for the first time ever. Last time they had met, Dan had been too busy looking anywhere but Phil because he had been nervous out of his mind. His eyes had been downcast or flickering around constantly.

They didn’t flicker now. Dan held Phil’s gaze but mostly because he was trying to communicate his confusion.

He wasn’t worried about sharing a room with the TA. He shared none of those stupid beliefs that a gay man would not be able to resist another man. It was beyond stupid to even think that.

The fact was that Dan wasn’t even gay, not fully anyway. He was still figuring himself out. He felt like a formless blob most of the time, and he didn’t want to put a label on himself. Queer felt good for right now, even if he was coming to the realisation that he might have a preference for boys.

“You ready?” Phil asked, head tilted to the side.

Dan didn’t even think that Phil had noticed the looks that he had been getting from everyone after he had announced that Dan would room with him. Dan was still trying to process it. He was still trying to get over the fact that Phil had stepped up to say that Dan was the vulnerable one in this situation and not the other way around.

Dan had been aware of it, always too aware of it to come out until he had gone to university. He had been regretting coming out ever since it had been taking out of his hands and spread around on campus.

Dan nodded without speaking and trailed behind Phil mindlessly. He was so tired and he just wanted to lie down and sleep.

But he doubted he would get any sleeping done, at least right away because his heart was hammering away within his ribcage. It was like a thunder, growling and exploding inside of him with too fast intervals.

Phil made him nervous. Phil made him feel in awe. Phil made him feel a bit breathless.

Dan wasn’t going to do anything, despite the taunts and assumptions of his classmates, but he was still keenly aware that he might be about to share a bed with an attractive man that he had admired ever since he had first heard of him.

He told himself that it didn’t matter. This was just a means to an end. A place to rest his head for the night. It wasn’t like it meant anything at all. Phil was a couple of years older than him and he likely just saw Dan as a kid anyway.

Phil stopped in front of a hotel room, unlocking it with the key card in his hand. Phil held open the door, like a gentleman, and it was a bit weird but Dan walked into the room all the same.

Okay, one bed.

He could deal with that. Right?

He wasn’t sure if he was supposed to be relieved or disappointed. Part of him liked the idea of having an excuse to share a bed with Phil Lester, a lot of people would have been jealous of him, but the other part was worried that he was going to do something weird in his sleep. Did he snore? What is he sprawled out like a starfish and hit Phil in the face? Oh, god, what if he got morning wood?

“Are you okay?” Phil asked, voice so close behind him that it made Dan jump.

He was not skittish by nature but something about being cramped in this small hotel room with Phil while his heart was still racing was bringing it out in him. Being sucked into his spiralling thoughts had not helped in the slightest.

“Eh?” Dan said, and then wanted to smack himself on the head. How ineloquently was he being for fuck’s sake?

Phil surprisingly didn’t seem to mind, if the small smile he cracked was any indication. Or he might just find the whole situation funny.

“Your classmates were being assholes,” Phil reminded him. “I know I probably shouldn’t have stepped in with this solution but it was all I really could think of.”

“Why did you?” Dan asked, and he noticed that they were pretty much the same height. Dan didn’t have to lower himself or his eyes to talk to Phil like he did with most people.

“Why did I interfere?” Phil asked, sounding genuinely surprised.

Dan nodded.

“If you don’t say something or do something then you become part of the problem too. Passive bystanders worsen everything, because the aggressors see their silence as agreement, as does the victim. It makes you feel like you’re all alone and everyone is against you.”

The way Phil said it, there was something about the phrasing.

“Talking from personal experience?” Dan asked before he could shut himself up. He was talking to Phil Lester and he was using this opportunity to ask entirely inappropriate questions. “Shit, sorry, I-”

“I am, actually,” Phil said, voice still light and honest. He seemed to take a breath and compose himself. “I’m gay.”

“I know,” Dan said because everyone knew.

“No, you didn’t,” Phil said, and fixed Dan with a stare that locked him in place. There was something about Phil looking at him like that, so insistently. He could understand why his class always talked about The Stare that would just lock onto you until he forced you to think through for an answer, giving you time to reflect properly. It felt intense.

“What do you mean?” Dan asked with furrowed brows. His palms were turning sweaty.

Phil’s eyes softened a little and Dan felt the tension melt away to leave room for something else that Dan couldn’t name.

“You didn’t know because I hadn’t told you. I’m out, and I know it’s not a secret, so you’ve probably heard other people say I’m gay but you can never _know_ until you hear it from the person themselves. Even if I’m not hiding my sexuality, I still get to decide when I can come out. No one should take that away from you.”

“Me?” Dan asked, voice suddenly feeling a little dry. He felt like a spotlight had been trained right on him.

“From anyone, Dan,” Phil said and Dan was hit with the realisation that Phil really wasn’t going to ask.

He had imagined that he would. Dan had expected the question, braced for it. Phil had gone through trouble because of the other guys kicking up a fuss and they had made a fuss because of all the rumours, of how Dan’s own words had been spread and twisted.

He realised with a sombre feeling that Phil was right.

It _should_ be in his hands.

If anyone carried it onwards without his permission, it was rather a case of them being shitheads, instead of him being a freak.

Dan was starting to comprehend a little better why people always talked so highly of Phil Lester. Dan was feeling just a little starstruck standing beside him. He was still trying to wrap his head around the fact that they were going to share a bed in a moment.

***

Phil took off his glasses to rub his eyes. He had a headache brewing in the back of his mind and he really wanted to be anywhere but here.

“Do you have a headache?” Dan asked, and Phil dropped his hand from his face to look at Dan’s blurry outline.

“I’m okay,” Phil said and plopped his glasses back on his face and Dan came into focus.

Phil just managed to catch the concerned look on his face before he schooled it away. Then he twisted his bag pack around, rummaging through it before pulling out a travel size pill container.

“Take a couple of ibuprofens if you’re feeling bad,” Dan said and thrust the container into Phil’s hand despite his protesting shake of his head.

Phil wanted to argue. He would be fine. It was just a bit of headache, it wasn’t going to kill him, but there was something about Dan that told him that he wasn’t going to take no for an answer. It was an extension of kindness and it was one Phil appreciated, even if it made him feel a little off-centre.

He was the TA. Dan was a fresher. He was supposed to look out for him, not the other way around.

All the same, he went to the bathroom and got a glass of water and took the painkillers.

“Thanks,” Phil said, tossing the container back to Dan as he walked back into the room.

Dan caught it, barely, fumbling with it twice before locking his hands around it. It might have more to do with Phil’s shitty throw.

“It’s no problem.”

“You always travel with painkillers?” Phil asked, giving into his curiosity despite knowing that he probably shouldn’t push for conversation.

They should just wash up, lie down and sleep the night away.

But there was something about Dan. There was something hidden behind the tight lines in his face when he was sure no one was looking. There was something about the vacant stare he got when he looked deep in contemplation. There was something about the way that he held doors for his classmates or offered someone a pen without even being asked.

He kept to himself but he was kind, maybe a bit wrapped up in his own head but he was reaching out in small measures. Phil hadn’t seen anyone recognise it yet.

“The world is a pain,” Dan said, in a voice that was probably meant to be sarcastic. It fell a little flat. “I like to be prepared for it.”

Phil felt something tug in his chest, and he wanted to wrap Dan up into a hug and tell him that it was all going to be okay.

He knew the first year of university was hard. You were away from your family and your old friends and you were on your own for the first time. The first month or two, it was usually filled with crazy parties and exciting introductions to your course. But then the loneliness tended to creep in, classes got harder and more serious and it could be tough to meet people if you hadn’t already bonded well with a group.

“Dan,” Phil said, too softly, without meaning to. It was like a milder version of the hug that he really wanted to give him.

It was the wrong thing to say. Dan’s eyes snapped up to his, sharp and unyielding and Phil could almost hear the _fuck off_ and _you don’t know shit_.

He was right. Phil didn’t know and he shouldn’t be sticking his nose where it didn’t belong but he couldn’t help it. There was something about Dan drawing him in and he felt like he as just helplessly in orbit around him and bound to crash at any moment.

“Do you want to use the bathroom first?” Dan asked, completely redirecting the conversation.

“Depends on whether you want to shower or not,” Phil said, trying not to feel hurt and the coldness between them now.

He had no right to be this upset about it. Him and Dan didn’t know each other. They were practically strangers and he had been prying. His intentions might have been good but that still didn’t mean that he should except Dan to just open up to him.

“No, fuck that,” Dan said and then seemed to freeze.

“What’s wrong?” Phil asked.

“I…”

“Swore?” Phil asked, grin spreading on his face. Oh, that was good. Dan was embarrassed for swearing in front of him. He couldn’t contain his light giggles.

“Shut up,” Dan said, in a more insecure voice. “I’d be told to watch my language if we were in class. It’s a gut reaction to freeze up after you swear around teachers.”

“I’m not a teacher,” Phil said and waved his hand in Dan’s direction. “I’m a TA, and I’m not even your TA. Swear all you like.”

“Do you swear?” Dan asked, and now he was the one who seemed to be prying, even if his was much more innocent.

“I don’t, most of the time,” Phil said honestly. “Only when I lose at video games or… other situations.”

“Like?” Dan pressed and there was some glint in his eyes that told Phil he had known what he meant.

“Sex,” Phil said frankly, just out of the pleasure of watching Dan’s smirk fall from his face and his mouth hang open in surprise. He had clearly expected Phil to just deflect, but this was much more satisfying.

Wait, was Dan’s face getting redder?

“I’m going to go brush my teeth,” Dan said. “They said something about one use toothbrushes being in the rooms, right?”

He didn’t wait for Phil to answer. He just pushed past him to the bathroom and shut the door behind him. Phil sat down on the bed.

It was not the most comfortable but it sure beat sleeping on the broken-down bus. Out of habit he checked his email and he found one from Professor Hendel that said they had managed to book another bus which would pick them up tomorrow. At least that was good news.

Phil leaned back, letting himself fall onto the mattress with his arms spread out to the sides. The second that they had gotten off the bus, he had just wanted to find somewhere to sleep. Right now, though, he wanted to talk to Dan.

Dan seemed interesting and Phil wanted to hear what he had to say. He wanted to know what was happening in his head when he got that contemplative look. He closed his eyes and tried to reel himself in.

Dan probably didn’t want to talk to him.

Phil closed his eyes just for a moment, even though he felt like it was getting a bit chilly in here.

***

Dan brushed his teeth a little too hard with the crappy one-time toothbrush. It felt like it was ready to snap between his fingers.

He might be working out a bit of frustration. Phil just seemed to push his buttons and he was so different just now. Ever since they had walked into their hotel room, it was like something had shifted in the air around him. He was still cool, but he seemed more relaxed and like maybe he wasn’t putting up such a front.

Dan knew all about putting up fronts. He did it constantly and it was truly exhausting. He didn’t blame Phil if he wanted to let his go for a while. He hadn’t even thought that Phil had one, he had felt so genuine in his interactions but maybe he had been naïve. Some people were probably just better at hiding themselves than him. Less obvious about it.

Dan was still a little shocked that Phil felt comfortable enough to be relax around him of all people. Dan didn’t feel like he was someone who inspired comfort and relaxation.

He splashed his face with a bit of water, just for the hell of it and then he got annoyed when the water licked down his neck to kiss and mark the collar of his hoodie. For fuck’s sake. He took a piss and then decided that he was done being in the tiny and stuffy bathroom.

He walked back out, already ready to call out to Phil that the bathroom was free for him.

The words died in his throat.

Phil looked like he had been sitting at the edge of the bed and then just leaned his torso back to rest against the mattress. But as he had done so, his jumper had climbed up a little, exposing a sliver of pale skin between his jeans and his jumper. The words died on Dan’s tongue and instead he just let out a weird croak in the back of his throat.

He could see Phil breathing, softly, almost like he was asleep. His head was tilted back too, arms spread wide and his eyes were closed and face relaxed.

Upon realising that Phil might actually have fallen asleep like that, Dan felt like too much of a perv just standing and watching him, even if it was quite the sight. He swiped the remote to the shitty TV and tossed it on the bed, hitting Phil square in the stomach.

His eyelids fluttered open, and he looked around confused until his eyes landed on Dan.

“Bathroom’s all yours,” Dan said, pointedly not looking at Phil and his still exposed skin.

“Did you throw a remote at me?” Phil asked, feeling around and finding the remote that had landed next to him.

“You can’t sleep like that,” Dan said, instead of answering. “I won’t have any room.”

Phil groaned but got up. He then decided to stretch his hands over his head, making his back crack but also making his jumper ride up even further.

Dan tried to tell if Phil was teasing him on purpose but he seemed oblivious to it. Dan scoffed. Of course, he was just naturally hot and not paying attention to it. Why was that so attractive to Dan?

Phil went to the bathroom and Dan managed to have a minor crisis in the few minutes he was away.

He had on his tight skinny jeans and his hoodie with a T-shirt under. It would be hell to sleep in all of these clothes. Normally, he would just sleep in his pants because he always got too hot when he slept, but obviously he couldn’t do that. He could strip off the hoodie without issue but that still left the issue of his jeans.

His jeans that looked really good but they could barely contain his ass if he bent down and they dug into his skin uncomfortably whenever he lied down. He let out a deep sigh. He would just have to suffer. There was no way in hell that he was going to just climb in bed with Phil in just pants and a T-shirt.

That was until Phil walked out and he was just in his pants and a T-shirt.

If Dan had been staring before, when it had just been a sliver of stomach exposed, now he was gawking. Phil’s legs were long and pale and smooth and Dan could only be thankful enough that his T-shirt was long enough to cover at least his most of Phil’s underwear.

Phil stopped in his steps and Dan tried to pry his eyes upwards to meet his face. He succeeded but too slowly and Phil had definitely caught him staring. For a beat, Dan braced himself to be yelled at. Maybe he wasn’t better than his classmates had said, a stupid voice whispered in the back of his mind.

Even if he knew there was a difference between being surprised and looking at someone and actually trying to make something happen. He would never dare to do that.

To Dan’s surprise, Phil just smirked a little and looked somewhat embarrassing.

“Sorry, skinny jeans,” Phil said. “They are the worst to sleep in.”

“I know,” Dan said, pulling his eyes away from Phil with all the strength that he could muster, to look at his own lap and pull at his beltloop.

“Is it okay? I can put them back on if it makes you uncomfortable,” Phil offered.

“You don’t have to,” Dan said, in a small voice.

“Hey, Dan,” Phil said and he waited until Dan was looking at him. Dan did so reluctantly but when he met Phil’s eyes, he saw nothing more than sincerity.

“I’m being serious,” Phil said. “Also, I hope you don’t think that I-”

“No,” Dan said, cutting Phil off. “I’m not as stupid as my classmates, Phil. Just because you like men does not mean that you’d fancy me. I know that.”

***

Phil couldn’t help but think that Dan was right but he was also wrong. Phil wouldn’t fancy Dan just because he was a bloke, it was truly a ludicrous idea, but Phil couldn’t deny that he was a bit attracted to Dan. He was gorgeous but he seemed like he didn’t know so himself. But more than that Phil found himself wanted Dan to share with him.

He wanted to unwrap Dan more than he wanted to get into his pants right now.

“It is okay if I lose the jeans too?” Dan asked, pulling a couple of fingers through his belt loop.

“Of course,” Phil agreed. “The bed is big enough that we’ll hardly have to touch anyway.”

Dan nodded and then turned around to unbutton his jeans. Phil hadn’t mean to be staring but as Dan pulled them down over his bum, Phil found his eyes lingering long enough to catch the fleshy and smooth expanse of Dan’s thighs before he reminded himself to divert his eyes.

It would be fine. Phil had been right that the bed was big enough for them to lie beside each other without touching. Professor Hendel had given him the second-best room available with whispers of apologises for this whole thing, even if he wasn’t to be blamed for the bus breaking down.

When Phil turned back around, Dan had already climbed under the covers and pulled them all the way up to his neck. He looked oddly like a young kid like that and Phil smiled at the wonder with which his brain could change tracks. He still liked Dan either way. This was a bit of a new feeling and it felt a little intimidating.

“Sorry, I’m really tired,” Dan said, possibly misreading the fond look in Phil’s eyes.

“Me too, I’m knackered after such a long day,” Phil said and walked over to flip the light off in the room.

It was plunged into more darkness than Phil had been expecting. The crescent moon outside didn’t provide a lot of light through the window. Phil stumbled his way to the bed and pulled up the cover of the duvet.

It had to be one of those ridiculous big duvets that were meant to be shared. Phil had never understood that. Who slept with duvets like that normally? Didn’t even couple have their own separate duvets?

The bed wasn’t the most comfortable but Phil sunk down into it anyway and it felt nice to just be properly off his feet. The walk from the buss to the hotel had been one of the final straws for his energy.

“Were we that bad?” Dan asked. “The class?”

Phil let out a soft chuckle. “Not too bad, just… tiring.”

“You’re being too kind. Everyone was acting like a group of kindergarteners,” Dan said, sounding amused.

He hadn’t exactly been wrong.

“Maybe a little bit of a challenge, it was difficult to get everyone to pay attention. I scanned over the questionnaires on the bus and half of them didn’t even get the point of the visit. Not you, though.”

“What?”

“I remember yours. You filled it all out properly, did the exercises and read the plagues on the walls thoroughly.”

“Well,” Dan said and he sounded embarrassed. He was sinking even more into the bed and under the cover. “I have to get a good grade, you know. I can’t just fool around.”

“You will be fine,” Phil said, trying to be reassuring.

Dan let out a snort. “Easy for you to say, you’ve got your undergrad already and now you were dumb enough to come back for more.”

“I like being a student,” Phil said, honestly, even if he could feel the disbelief radiating off Dan.

“Why?”

“I like learning things.”

“Me too,” Dan said, quietly, like it wasn’t meant to be heard. “But not like this.”

“How do you like it then?” Phil asked.

“It’s stupid.”

“I doubt that.”

“Why should I even tell you?”

“Because I asked?”

“That’s not a very good reason.”

Phil shrugged. “I’m just trying to make conversation.”

***

Why?

Dan wanted to scream it at him. Why would Phil try to make conversation with him of all people? Just because they got stuck in here and Phil was that nice of a guy?

Normally when people were trying to get Dan to talk, it felt like they were just waiting for him to say something stupid or something that left him vulnerable. It didn’t feel like that right now.

Sure, he felt vulnerable but he had a feeling that it might have more to do with being half-naked in bed with an almost stranger. Phil didn’t sound like he was about to ridicule him or pull him apart.

“I just… I hyper fixate on stuff, go down research spirals and that’s really interesting. I love just learning about random stuff. But if you put me in a classroom and a boring lecturer nearly reading from a stupid academic text that’s too complicated to get information from, then I just blank out. I think I’m failing all of my classes.”

Dan hadn’t meant to add that last bit. He hadn’t meant to say a lot of that, actually. Phil just seemed to bring forth the word vomit.

“You should talk to Student Services,” Phil said seriously and Dan snorted in reply. “No, really. They have alternatives, stuff to help people who learn in a different way. You’ll probably still have to sit through the lectures but you can get additional material if you ask for it. And if you need someone to help you, I would be happy to do so.”

Dan stared decidedly straight ahead, not looking to his right to see Phil’s probably sincere expression. It sounded sincere. He was really too good to be true.

“It’s not even your field of expertise.”

“Sometimes, you just need to talk it over with someone,” Phil said and Dan had a distinct feeling he wasn’t just talking about university stuff anymore.

“You shouldn’t just offer that to people,” Dan said, deflecting like he knew best. “You would have a queue lined all the way around school if word got out that you did private tutoring sessions.”

Dan chanced a look at Phil then, and he saw how he looked almost embarrassed.

“There wouldn’t be,” Phil argued.

“There so would. You’re famous on campus, Phil.”

“What?” Phil asked, and he sounded shocked enough that Dan sat up to just stare at him.

“You don’t know?”

“Know what? What are you talking about?”

“Everyone on campus knows your name, Phil. Literally everyone I’ve met so far. I heard about you on my first day here.”

Phil furrowed his eyebrow. “I mean, I have a lot of friends, I guess.”

“You have a lot of admirers, more like it,” Dan said and he surprised himself with the teasing lit in his voice.

“Shut up.”

“You can’t tell you student to shut up.”

“Not my student.”

“Still, did you really not know? Your short film made you really famous, Phil.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah,” Dan said and then pulled himself together to say something that he wouldn’t normally. “I saw it. It’s really cool. I don’t know how you created something that felt like a horror classic on a student budget but it’s incredible. Really.”

“Stop with all this flattery,” Phil said, now hiding his face in his hands. It was too dark for Dan to see but he could imagine that he might be blushing. “I have no control over your grade for this trip, you know, if you’re trying to suck up or something,” Phil added but his voice was still light and humorous and it was easy to tell that it was a joke.

“I’m not trying to butter you up,” Dan said and feeling a little bold he added, “then I’d probably offer to blow you or something.”

“Dan!” Phil said in a chastising manner, so shocked that it made Dan burst into giggles. He rolled onto his side facing away from Phil.

This whole evening felt surreal. He wasn’t sure anything had been real after he had gotten off the bus. This certainly seemed like he had fallen through some hole in time, because why else would he be in a bed with Phil Lester.

“I’m joking, obviously,” Dan said, even if he didn’t add that he actually wouldn’t be entirely opposed to get sexually involved.

Not here, in a dingy hotel room, certainly, but just… somewhere down the line. God, had he really been trying to flirt? He should not try to flirt if that was the case.

“You sure are something,” Phil said with a shake of his head, and the pitch of his voice was a little high but mostly he just sounded amused.

“I am. Hey, can I ask you something?” Dan asked.

***

“Sure.”

“Did you hear the rumours about my sexuality too?” Dan asked and his voice was so small.

The desire to wrap Dan up in his arms came again but Phil supressed it once more. Now, in bed half-naked, it was even more inappropriate to offer a comforting hug.

He wanted to reassure Dan but he didn’t want to lie.

“I did, and it’s a really shitty thing to go through. I’m sorry it happened.”

Dan shrugged and sunk deeper into the bed again.

“It’s what I get for telling some people.”

“No, it’s not,” Phil said adamantly. “They should not say anything without your consent. If they do, they’re asshole.”

“I think I’m a terrible judge of character,” Dan said, in a quiet voice that lingered in the room.

“I’m not, I’m a great judge of character.”

“Doesn’t surprise me.”

“What I meant was,” Phil said and he found himself reaching over and poking Dan’s shoulder, easy as nothing, “that I can give you some pointers.”

“Really?” Dan asked, and he sounded sceptic. “Isn’t it just the whole gut-feeling thing? How do you teach your gut anything? What if your gut feeling is just broken?”

“I sincerely doubt that and even so, I do believe that the way you make instinctive decisions can be trained, at least a bit. And the first and most important advice is to watch what people do rather than what they say.”

“Okay?”

“I’m serious.”

“Well, I’m aware people can just lie and shit but they can also act like they’re kind and then turn around and stab you in the back,” Dan said solemnly.

“True, but I’m not just telling to watch their actions. I’m telling you to watch for their tells. Most people are shit liars when you just pay enough attention to them. They slip up with their lies and pretend. Now, I’m not saying you should shun everybody but pay attention, and if you think something might be off, talk to them. Ask them why they did something if you felt hurt by it. I’m willing to bet that you’ll be able to tell based on their reaction then.”

“I feel like I’m in therapy or something,” Dan said. “I didn’t want to be in therapy again.” 

Phil caught the again and he couldn’t help but wonder what had caused Dan to seek out a therapist in the past. It was none of his business but he felt curious and he wanted to know. He wanted Dan to talk to him. Even with all the walls that the boy had up, it felt like there was something incredible just behind them.

Because Phil had watched Dan and he had seen him. He had seen the small clinches whenever someone said something insensitive. He had seen how he looked out for his fellow classmates, even if they didn’t look out for him. He had seen how Dan had been able to consume and connect the material on this trip.

“I’m not a therapist and that was not therapy advice. It was friendly advice. Nothing more.”

“Friendly?”

“Yes.”

“As in friends?” Dan asked and he sounded genuinely baffled. Phil hummed. “But, wait, you consider us friends? We just met!”

“We didn’t,” Phil pointed out. “We met like a month ago when I tripped you up and made you spill your coffee. And anyone you meet can become a new friend. A stranger is just a friend you haven’t met, you know? We’re new friends. Why wouldn’t we be?”

***

Dan was just looking at Phil in the dim lighting of their hotel room. He almost felt like he was bracing himself for a monster jumping out from under the bed. Surely, this was some very elaborate dream.

He looked at his hands. He could still count his fingers. Not a dream then probably.

He pinched the skin on his arm. It hurt. Definitely not a dream then.

“What are you doing?” Phil asked.

When someone usually asked that to Dan, there was that underlying current of judgement. But when Phil said it, he just sounded curious.

Dan still didn’t know how to answer and he must have a little trouble with his brain to mouth filter because the truth came out.

“Checking to see if I’m dreaming.”

Phil rolled over to his side, facing Dan.

It might be a big enough bed for them not to be touching under the covers but Phil still felt entirely too close. There was something intimate about lying in bed and having him look at Dan like that.

“Why?”

Dan let himself mull over it, holding in whatever he would have blurted out. He always got nervous talking to new people, and he felt like he had to speak and reply so fast. Too fast, or they would lose interest and pass on. It happened in groups all the time, where he felt like everyone just spoke over him.

Phil was looking at him with patience though, and Dan took the time to collect his thoughts a little.

“It feels almost like this is a liminal space, you know? A shitty nearly empty hotel where none of us where supposed to be. It doesn’t feel real. I feel like I’m just waiting for something and the anticipation is draining. And then there’s you.”

“What about me?” Phil asked, when it was clear that Dan wasn’t going to continue.

“You’re Phil Lester.”

“Stop saying my name like that, it makes me feel weird,” Phil said and hid a little under the covers. He kicked out his feet too and for a brief moment Phil’s food brushed against Dan’s ankle.

He should be shying away from the touch of a stranger. He didn’t really like touching people he didn’t know, but for some reason this felt okay. It must be the weird thing in the air that Dan couldn’t explain.

“Okay, sorry. I’ll take you down from the pedestal.”

“Please do,” Phil said and he responded with Dan’s teasing tone with a much more serious tone than Dan had expected. “No real person should be on a pedestal. Most certainly not me.”

“You did make an awesome short film,” Dan pointed out.

“Yeah, but most of what people call the genius aspects of the film were mostly just coincidences? Like the lighting change? Literally had to stop filming for an hour because of a camera malfunction.”

“So?” Dan pressed.

“What do you mean?”

“Do you not think that almost all art has some aspect of luck and coincidence to it? So, what if it wasn’t something carefully curated and happened naturally. You still made it, and it’s still yours and outside circumstances does not take away from your creative labour. Give yourself more credit than that.”

Phil seemed stunned into silence, which was a first since they had stepped into the hotel together. Dan felt a little proud of himself for that. But mostly, he just hoped that Phil did realise that he was still a good film maker, even if all the moves hadn’t been deliberate.

Dan toyed with the edge of their duvet, pulling at the string that had frayed. He needed to occupy his hands, to do something with this nervous energy. He felt like he might have overstepped.

It took him a full minute to look over at Phil.

Dan had not been prepared for the expression that meet him. He thought that he had been surprised enough tonight by Phil’s many expressions and reactions but this one took the cake. Phil looked at him with something akin to awe but that couldn’t be right. There was also a softness in his eyes and he had leaned towards Dan a little almost like he was ready to reach out and close the distance.

Dan wasn’t sure how to deal, and he found himself scooting back a little.

“Are you okay, Phil?” Dan asked but he regretted the phrasing the moment it left his lips.

He hated when people asked him that.

Phil seemed to do so as well, but instead of getting annoyed he just let out a snort and rolled his eyes.

“Dangerous question to ask people you don’t know, isn’t it?”

“Most people just say I’m fine regardless of how they are feeling,” Dan replied.

“Perhaps. But we all shouldn’t. We shouldn’t ask if we’re not genuinely willing to listen. I studied language but I hate politeness phrases that are used for just superficial interaction.”

“This certainly doesn’t feel like superficial interaction,” Dan commented.

“No, it doesn’t,” Phil said and then broke off into a yawn.

Upon seeing a yawn, Dan could feel the tiredness on his own body. He yawned in response.

“Good to know I’m not sharing a bed with a psychopath,” Phil noted, looking at Dan with a grin.

“I don’t know how valid that study really was but sure,” Dan quipped back. “We should probably get some sleep.”

“Right,” Phil said and he sounded almost apprehensive about it.

Like he wanted to keep talking to Dan but that couldn’t be right. Surely that couldn’t be right.

“Well, goodnight, then, Phil,” Dan said.

“Goodnight, Dan,” Phil said and took his glasses off and placed them on the nightstand.

“And… thank you.”

“What? For what?” Phil asked and he sounded utterly oblivious.

It hit Dan that Phil probably was. It had just been a small and natural thing for him to step up to defend someone he didn’t know. He probably did it all the time, like second nature, or a trained gut reaction like he had been talking about. But it had mattered to Dan because no one ever stood up for him.

“For helping.”

“You mean, with the room sharing? Of course, I didn’t want you to have to share a room with any of those twats.”

“You swore again,” Dan said. “I thought you only swore during video games or sex.”

Phil let out a deep chuckle and it seemed to move the whole bed with them. Maybe because they had both huddled under the covers, trying to escape the cold air of the hotel room around them. Dan didn’t mind too much, he was always running pretty warm.

“I suppose I forgot to mention that I will also swear at people who deserve it. They were being cruel to you and they had no right.”

“They had a little right,” Dan said and he hated himself for it. He did fancy guys.

“I doubt so,” Phil said sternly. “Would you ever try to make a move on someone who you didn’t have consent from?”

Dan could hear in Phil’s tone that he was ready to kick him out at a wrong answer. Hell, Dan had wanted to be kicked out if he couldn’t answer this one the right way.

“Of course, I wouldn’t. Never in a million years.”

“Then they were wrong. It doesn’t matter who you might fancy. It’s none of their business.”

For the first time ever, Dan wanted to genuinely come out to someone. It wasn’t like back at university when they had been gathered around a bottle and playing games, tipsy and drunk on life too. He had thought it might be easier to rip of the plaster then and tell someone but it had still felt a little invasive.

This didn’t. Dan almost wanted it to be part of Phil’s business. He felt like the confession would be safe in Phil’s hands.

But he was still a little scared and the moment passed. Dan could hear that Phil’s breathing begun to even out. He was a little envious that Phil could fall asleep so quickly. He must not be used to being kept awake by spiralling and existential thoughts.

Dan closed his eyes and tried to focus on Phil’s steady breathing beside him. He was lulled to sleep faster than he had expected.

***

Phil was having a weird dream. He could tell that it was a dream but everything still felt fuzzy around the edges. Mostly, he just felt very cold.

In the dream, someone dunked him into icy water and he had to swim up to the surface but it was hard when it felt like his limbs themselves turned to ice the moment he was submerged.

He woke with a start and it didn’t help the disorientation one bit.

He did not recognise his surroundings and he had a minor heart attack when he heard someone breathing beside him. He must have yelped a little to loud at the realisation that there was someone else in the bed with him because that someone stirred awake.

“Phil?”

The voice knew his name. Oh, right. Dan. Broken bus. Dingy hotel room. Sharing a bed.

“Sorry,” Phil said sheepishly. “Nightmare.”

But it was only now that he realised that not everything had been left behind in his nightmare. He felt freezing. Enough that it felt like his teeth were clattering and he felt as if his toes might fall off.

Okay, that might be a bit of an exaggeration but he did feel cold. Reluctantly he sat up, put on his glasses and tried to look around the room, maybe there was an extra blanket stashed somewhere. Phil couldn’t see anything but he was willing to explore. He slipped out from under the duvet, too cold and too awake for what must be the middle of the night.

He knocked his knee into the bedside table and hissed out the pained cry through his teeth as quietly as he could. This was stupid. Why was it so cold? It had been chilly when they had gone into the hotel room but it was positively freezing. It might be the middle of the winter but that didn’t mean that it should be this cold inside.

“Wha’ you doin’?” Dan mumbled from under the covers and Phil wasn’t sure he wasn’t just talking in his sleep.

He replied politely as if Dan was awake.

“Nothing,” Phil said. “Go back to sleep, I’m just looking for a blanket or something.”

He opened the tiny closet. No blankets. His heart sank. If they weren’t in there, they likely wouldn’t be anywhere in sight.

He didn’t like the idea of putting on his jeans and trekking down to the reception to ask if everything was okay with the heater or if he could have an extra blanket. He didn’t have high hopes that any of those two questions would lead to him feeling warmer. He just wanted to feel warm again damnit.

Dan sat up in the bed, and he was squinting in Phil’s direction. His hair seemed curler than when he had gone to bed. It was now mostly sitting on top of his head, like a messy bird’s nest. It looked cute, and it made Phil smile despite the tension in his whole body from the cold.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Dan asked, voice heavy and low with sleep. He didn’t seem to have any issue swearing right now and Phil wasn’t sure why he found that endearing.

“I’m cold.”

Dan’s irritation seemed to evaporate instantly. “Are there no extra blankets?” he asked and started to move to get out of bed too.

Phil didn’t want to drag him into this too, he was probably just being a baby.

“No, no, stay in bed, I’m just being silly, I’ll be fine. There are no blankets in the closet, I checked,” Phil said and he rushed back to get under the covers because Dan still looked ready to get up.

“Of course, the two of us wouldn’t get a room with anything in the closet,” Dan mumbled. “We both got out of it.”

Phil paused and looked at Dan, he still looked only half-awake and the joke was a little lame but it still made Phil’s heart swell.

“Right, this is homophobic,” Phil joked, smile growing wider on his face as he joked.

“You want me to go down to the reception and ask for some?” Dan asked.

“I doubt they’ll have any,” Phil said. “It’s not exactly five stars and it had turned freezing over the last hours so I’m guessing they might have problems with the heating. I’ll be fine.”

Phil sank into the bed again, but the duvet felt so thin and flimsy and a shiver went through his body.

“You don’t look fine,” Dan said and he sounded more awake now. He sounded concerned. “I’m going to see about that blanket.”

“Don’t,” Phil said and shot a hand out to lock around Dan’s wrist to keep him in place.

“Shit,” Dan cursed, and reached out to touch Phil’s arm. “You’re freezing. You’re a literal icicle. How are you so cold?”

“I’m always cold,” Phil mumbled. “Must be bad circulation or something.”

Dan felt warm. Phil hadn’t let go of his wrist yet because it felt warm under his palm and he could use it right now.

“You’re going to catch a cold if you sleep while you’re freezing,” Dan said, and in that moment, he sounded oddly like Phil’s mum. “If you can even fall asleep, that is.”

Phil was a little delirious with sleep and cold.

“You’re warm,” he said, unashamed.

“I guess? I’ve always run a little hot,” Dan said, softly. Nervously, Phil noted.

He decided to have a little fun. He felt someone owed him it for dealing with this horrible freezing room.

“You’re hot too, yeah.”

“Phil!” Dan screamed and it reminded Phil of when it had been the other way around. When it had been Phil calling out Dan’s name in surprise to something that might have been flirting.

Phil really shouldn’t flirt with a fresher but Dan didn’t just feel like any fresher. He felt like a guy who was a little too alone but longing for someone to understand. Phil could relate to that. Despite his popularity, he always felt like people kept a bit of distance, maybe because of his reputation. He hadn’t even realised he had one before Dan told him today. No one ever talked to him about it before. They probably assumed that he knew he was evidently the talk of campus.

“I’m kidding,” Phil said to mollify the situation but then he realised he didn’t want to lie. “I mean, not really, you are hot, but I just meant it like… a casual observation.”

“Casual observation?” Dan asked, voice edged with amusement. “You’re weird, Lester.”

“I am, it’s the first thing that you should know about me, Howell.”

Phil hadn’t realised but he had been drifting more towards the middle of the bed.

“I don’t think you have anything on me,” Dan shot back.

“I never wear matching socks,” Phil said.

“What? Never?”

“Nope, I just toss all my socks in a drawer and pick out two at random.”

“What if you get a matched pair?”

“Then I throw them back and shuffle again. No one is going to tell me how to live my life.”

“Okay, I will give you that. It’s weird, but also kind of cute?”

“You think I’m cute?” Phil pushed and he looked up at Dan’s face now. It was barely light enough to see his expression but he couldn’t have missed the way that Dan’s teeth were digging into his lower lip.

“I said the action was cute, dork.”

“Dork?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s the best you can come up with for a mean nickname?”

“It gets better when you know it means whale penis too.”

“What? It doesn’t.”

“It does. So indirectly I also called you like the largest cock in the world.”

Phil whined a little and he was shuffling closer to Dan during his protesting noises.

“I don’t want to be a huge dick,” Phil said mumbling into the pillow, muffling some of his words.

“You don’t want to have a huge dick?” Dan asked, laughter bubbling up in his voice.

It was too late; it must be the middle of the night. Phil was too delirious and cold but there was something about this that made him feel comforted. He wished the inner comfort and warmth transferred to the outside. He was still bloody cold. Another shiver went through his body.

“I said I don’t _want_ to be one,” Phil said but he wasn’t sure if the words came out clearer this time.

“Phil,” Dan said softly, and Phil wasn’t sure when he had closed his eyes again. His whole body felt heavy but the shivers were making it impossible for him to go back to sleep.

“Dan,” Phil called back, in the same soft pitch that Dan had used.

There was a beat of silence and Phil made his eyes open and find Dan’s face.

He was much closer to Dan’s face than he had anticipated. He was lying right next to him, in the middle of the bed and he started to scoot back the moment he realised.

“Sorry, was I pushing you off the edge? I didn’t mean to,” Phil said hurried.

“It’s okay.”

“I guess I’m just really sleepy and cold and you’re warm and lovely,” Phil said and then widened his eyes because that was not meant to come out, why did he have no brain to mouth filter, right now? He pushed forward, hoping to drown out the words in his ramble. “And I just had a bit of a bad day to be honest. It’s difficult to be TA and assist when you don’t know anything about, well, anything and –”

“Hey,” Dan said softly and there was a big hand resting on Phil’s arm now. And arm which he must have been waving around frantically because it was stuck in the air now, frozen by Dan’s touch.

Phil looked at Dan, and he realised that he hadn’t managed to pull back that much. I this low lighting Dan’s eyes looked almost black but it was not an uninviting black. It was the black of Phil’s favourite jeans, it was the black of his old favourite teddy, it was the black of his laptop screen when it was turned off. It was a comforting black that Phil just wanted to fall into.

“What?” Phil whispered because this seemed like the time for whispering.

Dan had been a bit right about this whole thing feeling like a liminal space, except Phil had wanted to argue that liminal spaces were usually empty and abandoned. He never felt like anywhere with people could be like that, but he got the comparison right now. He felt a little like he was hung in the air, waiting for something, waiting for a transformation.

“You can come closer if you want, share body heat, or whatever, you know. I don’t mind.”

***

“You want to cuddle?” Phil asked and he looked genuinely baffled.

Dan wanted to resend the invitation instantly. He didn’t want to be ridiculed. He was already retreating back into his shell, putting the walls back up when Phil moved his other hand to lock around Dan’s wrist once more.

Again, Dan was struck by how cold the touch was. Phil was seriously cold and Dan did want him to feel better. To feel warmer. It was really the least he could do after Phil had helped him out to begin with.

Under normal circumstances, he wouldn’t have considered cuddling with a stranger. It would have been weird. But it didn’t feel weird to offer. He could always hide behind the reasoning that there were in extenuating circumstances if he needed to.

“Ehh…”

“’Cause if you’re serious, I’m definitely taking you up on that offer. You feel like a furnace and I really want to come closer. I just… I thought it would be weird, even if clearly my body had just started drifting towards you on its own accord.”

“It’s only weird if we make it weird, right?” Dan said, heart hammering in his chest.

“Exactly!” Phil said and he sounded too cheerful for the middle of the night in a cold hotel room.

Dan had given him permission but he hadn’t expected Phil to just throw himself into Dan’s arms. Phil landed half on top of Dan in his haste to get closer and Dan was surprised that his arms moved to wrap around Phil on their own accord.

“Fuck, you’re freezing,” Dan said, hissing out a little bit of air between his teeth as he felt Phil’s chilled body pressed into his own hot one.

“Sorry,” Phil said and he was starting to pull away. Dan locked his arms tighter around Phil’s torso, and the tried to pretend that their bare legs hadn’t almost already gotten tangled in Phil’s tackle attack.

It was just innocent skin on skin contact, Dan could handle this.

“You’re not going anywhere,” Dan said, “just give me a moment to get used to it. You really weren’t kidding about being cold.”

“Why would I kit about that? It’s a life or death situation.”

“Isn’t that a bit dramatic?” Dan asked, but his arms moved to hold tighter around Phil.

He could literally feel him warming up in his arms, based on the contact. It was not weird yet because Dan was entirely too focused on feeling Phil’s temperature shift into something warmer and healthier.

“No, it’s not. I am Jack in the water after Titanic went down and you are my door.”

Dan barked out a laugh that went through both of them.

“Why am I a door and not like Rose or something?”

“Rose let Jack die. They could both have been on that door. You’re the lovely and dependable door, Dan. My good door,” Phil said and he was shuffling closer and Dan hadn’t counted on that being possible.

“Okay, I’ll be your door,” he said a little too fondly.

“Is this okay?” Phil asked, face pressed into Dan’s shoulder. “I’m a cuddler but I don’t want to overstep. You can resend the invitation anytime.”

Dan hummed contently. “It’s working though, you feel warmer.”

“You feel good,” Phil said, muttering it into Dan’s shoulder.

Dan felt embarrassment rush through him and he wouldn’t be surprised if Phil’s words made him flush all through his body and become just a bit warmer. Maybe that was why he said it.

“Too forward?” Phil asked and Dan felt like he was asking about something different.

“Depends,” Dan said, voice tight. “Are you flirting with me?”

“That would be a little irresponsible given our current situation,” Phil said, and Dan felt his heart sink. He hadn’t realised how much he wanted Phil to actually be flirting. “But yeah, I think I am.”

Dan felt even more flushed but now he was sure that it was all gathering on his face.

“Oh.”

“It that a good oh or a bad oh?” Phil asked. “I can stop, or let go, or anything you want.”

“Don’t let go,” Dan said a little too fast. Phil chuckled. Dan wasn’t sure he could be blamed. It felt comfortable and comforting to have Phil pressed up against him like this. Despite their closeness it also felt innocent which Dan hadn’t been expecting, but it felt really nice. It felt right.

“Okay, but then I should probably ask something else too.”

“What would that be?”

“I don’t like assuming people’s sexualities, Dan. I told you that already. And I’m not asking for a label for you, not at all. I’m just curious if you’d be interested in me too.”

“Too?”

“I said I was flirting, didn’t I?” Phil asked and he lifted his head from Dan’s chest to find his eyes again.

Phil had beautiful eyes. They seemed to be blue mostly but there were other colours mixing in as well. It was difficult to tell in this lighting but Dan wouldn’t be surprised if there was a whole rainbow in there.

***

“Yeah,” Dan said and he sounded a little breathless.

Phil found it too endearing for his own good.

“Well, that means I’m interested if you are.”

“But you’re…” Dan said and Phil found himself wondering if this would be the moment that Dan said something that showed him a bad side of himself for the first time. “you’re like too cool? And pretty? Why’d you want- ”

“If there is anything negative about yourself to come out of your mouth, I will tickle you to death.”

“What?” Dan said, his whole body shaking with a short bark of a laugh. His voice was high pitched and almost giddy.

“Death by tickle is serious, young man,” Phil said and let himself rest his head against Dan’s chest again.

He could hear Dan’s heartbeat like this. It was going too fast but it made Phil feel comfortable because his was beating too fast too. It was only the second time that they had met and now they were cuddled up in bed and it felt right.

Like two puzzle pieces that had slotted together. It should have felt more awkward but for some reason, it didn’t. The circumstances around them seemed to be the perfect buffer for awkwardness and for the first time in his life, Phil was glad that he was prone to being cold if it meant he could now snuggle up to Dan and it not be weird.

“I…” Dan said, and Phil could tell that the apprehension in his voice might mean that he was about to say something that mattered.

He waited and he gave Dan his space to gather his thoughts again. He did let out a hum to know that he was still listening.

“I’m queer, maybe gay, I don’t know,” Dan said.

Phil moved his arms to wrap around Dan too and he gave him the tightest hug he could muster. He wanted to pour all of his love and support into his body. It was a big thing to come out. Even if by the sound of it, Dan had done it before. It didn’t necessarily get easier, depending on the situation.

“Thank you for telling me and trusting me with the information,” Phil said.

“It’s not like half of the university doesn’t already know,” Dan said and shrugged, moving Phil’s body with him.

“It’s sucks,” Phil agreed. “But I will not tell anyone else, you have my word about that. I mean that, Dan, with all my heart.”

“All of your heart, huh?” Dan asked and Phil was a little surprised to find that one of Dan’s hands migrated to his lower back.

Phil waited for the touch, trying to read the situation. He was pleasantly surprised when the tips of Dan’s fingers started to trace small patterns into his T-shirt. It was so gentle and soft and Phil could swear that his heart melted a little.

“Don’t make fun of me, I’m sleepy and it’s late,” Phil complained without any bite. “And your warmth is like a sleepy drug or something. I could sleep here forever.”

He was joking. Mostly. He should be scared how some part of him definitely meant it. Right now, it felt like he would never find anywhere as comfortable to rest his head.

“Okay, I’ll let you fall asleep then. You be my pillow another time, then?” Dan asked and Phil could hear that there were more to the question than just teasing.

It was Dan reaching out, in a joking tone but still asking, if they would find themselves like this again. Phil took a moment to assess the situation and he found that he very much liked that idea.

“Deal, you can look forward to it. I’m an excellent pillow.”

“I don’t doubt it,” Dan said, voice as soft as the way his fingers were still moving lightly against Phil’s lower back.

“It’s almost weird how weird this doesn’t feel,” Phil said, deciding to be brutally honest, even as he could feel that he was starting to slip off to sleep.

“Yeah, you’re right. It feels… good.”

***

Dan was an expert in denying himself anything good. Phil felt like he could be something so good. Maybe the best good thing that Dan would ever come across. He didn’t want to let his brain get in the way of this, whatever this was.

“Did you ever answer my question?” Phil asked. “About your interest?”

“Wasn’t it implied?” Dan asked.

“No,” Phil said and Dan could hear the smile in his voice. “I want to hear you answer.”

Dan kept his hands moving on Phil’s back and he marvelled at this. He hadn’t thought he’d ever get to do this with a guy. Sure, this wasn’t exactly how he had imagined it but Phil was asking him.

If it was okay that he would flirt.

If it was okay that Phil was interested.

If Dan would be interested too.

It was one of the easiest questions that Dan had ever answered.

“I’m interested too,” Dan said in a whisper, and he felt brave in that moment for admitting what he wanted. He felt even better when he realised that for perhaps the first time tonight, he was admitting something vulnerable without bracing himself for the reply.

Like they lay now, tangled up in each other, sharing warmth and secrets, Dan felt like he wouldn’t be judged.

“Good,” Phil said.

“Good,” Dan agreed.

And that was the last of it. It was all that really needed to be said. Both of them had been drifting slowly off to sleep for a while, lulled in by what it felt like to be able to relax against another human and speak without judgement.

Even the anxiousness and giddy nerves melted away as they continued to speak. This was something new and exciting but they didn’t need to think about it more tonight. They would have tomorrow, and hopefully the day after that and many more days. 

***

Phil woke up first.

He was very happy to discover that because it gave him a moment to process everything. Last night, when he had woken up cold and miserable, almost seemed a little like a dream.

It clearly wasn’t because Dan was pressed against his back, breathing softly on his neck.

Again, Phil waited for the awkwardness or the nerves but mostly he just felt excited. He wanted to wake Dan up and he wanted to talk to him more. He was going to ditch Professor Hendel and sit with Dan on the bus and he didn’t even care why type of signal it would send.

As long as Dan would be okay with it, he didn’t care about what people might say about them.

He knew he was respected enough that no one would question him or Dan.

Phil looked over at his shoulder, to Dan’s sleeping face. People always said that you looked younger when you were asleep, like you let go of all that tension every adult seemed to carry around on their shoulders all the time.

Dan didn’t look younger but maybe that was because he had a baby face to begin with. However, Phil had seen him let go of that tension. The boy who had walked in here with his hoodie tight around his face and tight shoulders had somehow morphed into the smiling and chuckling sweetheart that offered Phil to share his body warmth.

Liminal spaces were places of transformation. Maybe that was what they had undergone during the night.

Dan didn’t wake as quietly as Phil. His eyes snapped open almost violently and he looked concerned when he saw the way he had plastered himself against Phil.

“Hey, relax, it’s okay,” Phil said turning around to face Dan and place a hand on his shoulder.

Dan stilled under his touch, looking at Phil in wonder. His eyes looked really big like this. Phil took note of how warm and bright they looked now with the sunlight illuminating the room. 

“Phil,” Dan said and it almost sounded like a prayer.

“Dan,” Phil replied back, a smile spreading on his lips.

“It wasn’t a dream then.”

“Nope.”

“We slept together.”

“Well, not yet.”

“Ugh! You’re impossible,” Dan said, hitting Phil on the shoulder but he was smiling and blushing.

“Having second thoughts?” Phil asked, unable to keep the worry out of his voice.

“About?”

“Us.”

“There’s an us already?” Dan asked and now he was being cheeky, if his smile was any indication.

“There could be. Maybe. You know,” Phil said, finding Dan’s eyes again. “We could try.”

“I’d love to try,” Dan said, bright smile on his face, and then he was leaning in.

For a moment, Phil wondered if he should be expecting a kiss but Dan’s lips just brushed his cheekbone, a barely-there touch that left as soon as it came.

Dan looked pleased with himself as he pulled back and got out of the bed.

“Hey, come back,” Phil whined, missing Dan’s warmth already.

“You’ll have to take me on a date first,” Dan said, smirking now.

“Oh, will I?” Phil asked, with a raised eyebrow.

“Yes.”

“Okay.”

***

Dan and Phil washed up and packed up their limited possessions, talking all the while. They revelled in how easy it still felt talking to each other. Once they arrived in the lobby of the hotel, they were met with about half the students, all looking ruffled and miserable and Professor Hendel talking in an angry tone with the receptionist, arguing about the broken heating.

But not Dan and Phil. They both wore bright smiles and a warmth in their bones that hadn’t been there when they had arrived. Something had definitely shifted between them. The opportunity for change had been thrown up into the air and it had been up to them whether to catch it and accept the transformation.

Both of them had grabbed on tight with both hands.

Now, they locked those hands together, holding on, palm against palm, even in the chaos around them. It was the start of something exciting and new and Dan and Phil both felt giddy at the prospect.

Really, this was just what they had needed.

**Author's Note:**

> [Reblog on tumblr](https://secretlywritingstories.tumblr.com/post/613693181360553984/snuggle-up-close-let-me-hold-your-pieces-in)
> 
> I did not expect to get this much into a flash fest prompt but here we are. It was written within 25 hours, because these two idiots just kept talking and I was too soft to shut them up. I like how it turned out, though, and I hope you did too. I felt kind of comforted while writing and I hadn't counted on slipping in so many messages about self-love, and believing in yourself but I am not really surprised. If you've read any of my other works you won't be either.
> 
> Please let me know what you think. I've been writing for nearly ten hours straight and I am a little tired right now, but I wanted to get this out before the deadline. Any comments will be welcomed with big smiles.


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